Being alone takes courage.
It doesn’t matter who you are; it takes strength to spend time alone with yourself.
Last night was difficult for me.
As much as I tried, as many people as I reached out to, nobody returned my calls or texts. All day I felt like God was closing doors. As desperately as I wanted to go out, it wasn’t happening. And so on a Friday night, after a stressful day at work, I found myself at home alone with no plans for the first time in two weeks.
It was inevitable. I cried. It was like dust settling after an avalanche, having to finally face the toll of destruction.
And so I spent time with myself—an entire evening—praying and crying and talking to God.
Today as I checked my e-mail, I read one from Crosswalk that talked about just this subject:
While [Jesus] surrounded Himself with crowds of people, there are times in the gospels where He tells His disciples He’s had enough and withdraws from the crowds to recharge. Luke 5:16 says, “But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.”
Time alone is understated, especially in my age group. Everyone is more interested in what other people are doing than they are prepared to spend alone-time with God. It takes self-control to stay in.
Obviously, I was lacking self-control and so God gave me no choice. It was definitely for the better, He knew. As I lay in bed toward the end of the night, I felt relief. I felt peace. God is definitely working in me, and last night was just another example of His grace. Last night brought me to an important realization.
I am so proud of myself. For the first time in my life, I am searching for God. For once I am not hunting for my next boyfriend. It is such a satisfying feeling. Two things I am doing right in my life right now: investing in my relationship with God, and building my relationships with other women my age. I’m not being a coward and searching for men to validate me. I am not campaigning for their attention—no Facebook messages, no text messages, no invitations to hang out. I am so proud of myself. For once, God is enough. He is my all. And my friends add to that beauty, because they are from Him.
Dear God, I do see You doing so many amazing things in my life. Yes, I miss him. But You are filling my empty places. I am not relying on anyone else to fill them. No boys. Instead You are filling my life. You are everywhere I turn. And You have given me so many new friends. These women that You are bringing into my life are walking with You. You are inspiring. I feel such peace being around those whose lives center around You, and from that stems walks that are holy and glorifying to You. I love You, God, and thank You for everything. You are my Father and Lover, and I owe it all to You.
