Captivating

During my lunch break at work I’ve been reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge.  At the end of chapter six, it reads:

Take your question to Jesus.  Ask him to show you your beauty.

I meditated a little, and then returned to work with that prayer in mind.

The afternoon drifted by and it was a few hours later when I heard footsteps behind me.

After asking God to reveal how He thinks I’m beautiful, my boss walked up to me and said, “The gynecologist thinks you’re stunning.”

Hilarious.  The gynecologist thinks I’m stunning?  Come again?

I laughed, knowing full well about what I had just prayed.

I walked past my boss’s desk, avoiding eye contact with the 50-something year old man staring in my direction.

It suddenly struck me that when I was a young girl I idolized and romanticized the idea of older men.  I looked at them and saw charm, knowledge, maturity, strength, and romance – everything I expected one day as a woman.

Fifteen years later, I see the misconception in my thought.  Age has nothing to do with maturity, a sound marriage, morals, or the ability to love.  Those men who were once beacons are now over-the-hill mid-life crisisers, exclamations of exactly what to avoid.

A real relationship revolves around God.  A real man loves Christ and is devoted to Him.

This has become so important to me now, because I realize everything a relationship should be stems from a foundation built on Christ.  How to treat the other person, how to love one another, how to forgive each other and give grace.  He is an essential foundation.

Considering the prayers I’ve been praying and the old gynecologist lusting after me from across the room, I know God did answer my prayer.

It was just a prayer from two weeks ago.  I asked Him to reveal His will for the romantic aspect of my life.  God is showing how misguided I was then and is pointing me in the right direction.

When I was younger, the multitude of men who pursue me now would have been appreciated.  Then, I would have loved the attention, the validation.  Now, none of it matters.  They’re attracted to me because of aesthetics – not because they see my deep love of Christ.  And if a man can look at me and not see that – well, he’s not looking for God.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30).