You would think after attending a seminar led by Beth Moore, the greatest of all women’s inspirational speakers, that my head would be screwed on a little straighter.
I am selfish, I am emotional – I am insane!
“There are sixteen women up here!” Beth pointed to her mind, laughing.
It was funny, we all laughed, identifying with her, and I’m positive we all felt enlightened when we left the South Hall last night.
Enlightenment is a nice feeling, and sadly it was only temporary.
After a night of Beth telling me I had the right to a sound mind, I sat at the very crossroads she had mentioned only hours earlier. “I could lose it, or I claim my right in Jesus Christ.” I unfortunately ignored my teachings, and chose the former.
Fear drives us. It shouldn’t. God’s love should be sitting behind the wheel, but when we’re afraid we let the enemy stronghold us till we question our own sanity. He has a lot at stake in making you doubt yourself.
In doubt, in fear, we trade power for powerlessness, love for lust, and self-control for control of others.
Standing at the crossroads, weak and fearful, I fell down the same, rocky path. Hysteria welcomed me into its grips, jealousy patted me on the back, and insecurity nestled its way into my heart. They greeted me happily, hungry for my discomfort and weakness.
It wasn’t until the next morning I had recuperated from that spell. My energy drained, my happiness teetering.
“If you don’t let God heal you, you are going to self-destruct,” Beth whispered to me. “You have the right in Christ to be a whole and healthy person…Jesus is the healer of your mind, the lover of your soul.”
One of my favorite movies is Vanilla Sky. In it, Tom Cruz and Penelope Cruz are deeply in love, and one of my favorite quotes from this movie is:
“Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around.”
I think of this movie now, vowing that with God’s strength, I will walk down a different path – a calm one, complete with understanding and forgiveness instead of resentment and anger.
Every day is a new day, and I have been given the grace to try again.
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline (2 Timothy 7)
