Birthdays are both joyful and sorrowful. Another year on God's beautiful earth, but another special day I am unable to spend with my parents, so I make sure to write extra-special cards. This year's read:
July 20, 2010
Dear Daddy,
Today you turn 58 and I’m so happy you’re still around to see it! Through the health issues and constant stress, I know you were scared, because I was scared, too.
I’m not lying when I say you’re the best daddy in the world. With your kind and generous heart and strong-as-steel spirit, it’s no wonder I look up to you as much as I do.
Even though I don’t call every day, I think of you and mom constantly. I remember my childhood at home, vacations with you, and our last time together. I miss you all the time, but your strength gives me strength. Your love gives me peace.
I think of our family tree and how estranged pieces of us are. Between fallible sisters and other members of our families that have disappeared, I am so grateful you raised me. You made me who I am. I, too, possess your kind heart and spirit of strength, and you have also instilled in me responsibility and accountability. When I say I’d be lost without you and mom, I mean it.
I hope you are proud of me, because I try and make you proud. All your gifts and lessons are irreplaceable. You are irreplaceable.
I am my father’s daughter. I know I’ll always be your little girl, but I hope you are comforted in knowing who you raised…a strong, smart, brave and kind woman.
My only request of you today is that you stay patient and calm when waters get rocky and insist on testing you. I want to share many, many more years with my wonderful daddy. Don’t aim just for 59, let’s aim for 100! :) I want you in my life!
I love you, daddy, and wish I was there to hug you on your special day.
Love,(Your little girl)Jamie
Because of the two hour difference between California and Tennessee, sometimes it's difficult to reach each other. I tried to call home three times, and finally, on the third attempt, my dad picked up.
He sounded exhausted, physically, but there was something deeper in his voice.
There was a sadness I felt as well.
Growing up nondenominational, I don't know what my parents believe. I know my mom was baptized as a baby, but my dad seems set in his logic.
This is why I was surprised and happy when they agreed to join me at church, and even proclaimed that they enjoyed the service. It made me feel hopefuly that maybe this earthly life would not be the only life I share with my family.
I held on to these hopes, and still do, but felt a tinge of doubt after the phone call.
"So what are you doing tonight?" he asked, seemingly out of tired obligation.
"Going to Bible study," I answered, not quite sure what would follow.
His next response was as ambivalent as it was ambiguous:
"Well, if that's something you like..."
He asked a few more questions, but the conversation didn't last much longer.
I sometimes wonder if my parents are saved, and if they're not, will the time ever come for them to be? I want to talk to them about it, but I'm scared. I want them to be with me forever, but more importantly I want them to know God's forgiveness and especially His love. I'll just be patient and more persistent in prayer.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer (Romans 12:12)
