And I fell down to you in a parachute
Of newspaper, rubber bands, tape, and glue
So you would see I would do anything for you
Anything for You, Brendan James
Yup, I did the whole Match.com thing. Look at what it got me. Just another picture to burn.
I didn’t take the
time to get to know the person I was dating before
we started dating, and all too soon, it was all too late, and too far gone. I was dating for marriage, but who I was
dating was not marriage material.
After the break-up, I read Falling in Love for All theRight Reasons by Dr. Neil Clark Warren, the founder of eHarmony. He says this about marriage:
“…I’m convinced that the
selection of a marriage partner is the most important, far-reaching decision
you will ever make. Let me tell you
why. For the rest of your life, every
day, you will wake up with this person; much of your day will revolve around
this person in one way or another, whether you are at work or at home. You will come home to this person, eat dinner
with this person, sit and talk with this person and, hopefully, you will go to
bed with this person. When you wake up
in the morning, this person will still be there! You will have a lot of thoughts about this
person all day long, because this person and you will have numerous things in
common, including your children, your money, your plans about your careers, and
plans about your retirement. Think about
that. One person…for the rest of your
life! That’s a lot of togetherness! Yet that’s what marriage is supposed to be,
and that’s what marriage can be, if you select the correct partner. It is such an important decision that it
should be made with great clarity and with as much wisdom, insight, and
expertise as you can muster.”
Before reading his book, I assumed all dating sites had
the same setup. Post a picture, wait for
the e-mails to roll in, find a hot guy, and BAM. Relationship.
Pretty superficial, right? Well,
that’s how the world of dating goes in the
world. Experience and spirituality
have taught me there’s more to a relationship than just physical chemistry. And so eHarmony has a personality
survey. It can take anywhere from 2
hours to a day to complete.
Seems overwhelming, right? But it made sense to me. There is a definite correlation between time
and investment.
“We quickly discovered that the
length of our questionnaire did not deter serious, marriage-minded singles. In
fact, the sheer size of the questionnaire did several positive things for us…the
mass of questions automatically filtered out men who were not interested in
pursuing a serious relationship that could culminate in marriage. Someone just looking for a date on Saturday
night would not usually be willing to spend the time and effort to complete the
huge questionnaire. Other Internet sites
provide quick ‘get a date’ services; eHarmony does not.”
A guy just looking for a date on Saturday night will
leave a girl alone if she declines.
Why? Because there are a billion
other girls he can ask out. If he just
wants a fling, it won’t matter if she says no, because he’ll move onto the next
honey. Not wanting to invest, he won't spend the time.
A man who’s interested in your heart, however, he’s going to pursue you. A time-conflict will not deter him. Plans with family or friends will not deter
him. A slow walk down the path of
friendship will surely not deter him.
A man who wants you, truly, will take his time getting to know you. If he doesn’t take the time to get to know
you, red flag. If the only compliment he
can give you is, “You’re beautiful” or “sexy” or “gorgeous,” red flag. If he
doesn’t call you again when you don’t give it up, red flag. Take that red flag,
and MOVE ON—run!
If you don’t trust God to bring you a man who
is going to love you with a biblical love, you are bound to be screwed trying
to find it yourself.
“Remember, a bad marriage is a
thousand times worse than no marriage at all.
Better to be single than to be married to the wrong person. Don’t settle for second best; stop at nothing
less than the love of your life—your soul mate.”
“A soul mate is to his or her
soul mate as a Mercedes Benz automobile door is to the Mercedes auto frame…you
wouldn’t want to put a Chrysler door on a Mercedes car.”
