When Scott loaned me Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, to me for the first time last year, I was struck, dumbfounded.
Really? Feeling loved and loving is this simple? This the key to how I relate to people? How other people relate to me? Genius. I’ll take it! I read through it a year ago, and had a much different order then. I have changed so much within the last few months, so I’m updating my love maps.
How do you love Jamie?
1. Physical touch I love to touch and be touched. I was a leper throughout adolescence – the most influential years of my life – and was not touched at all. I craved it so desperately, seeing my peers hug, kiss, and touch each other without fear of rejection. I so wanted just to be accepted. I think it is why this is my primary love language now at this point in my life – it shows acceptance, a willingness to be close to me. I love hugs!
2. Quality time The effort to hang out is what makes this number two on my life. We may not spend much quality time together, but if you make time for me, it’s special. I’ve had so many friends who pushed me to the wayside for boyfriends, work, other friends, and an overall heavily polluted schedule – and never stopped to make time for me, even when I urgently needed it. Be there for me when I need you, or don’t be there at all.
3. Gifts Nobody buys gifts anymore. It is rare these days to receive a gift from anyone, especially with the economy being what it is today. It need not be big or expensive, because I am so touched when someone thinks of me enough to spend money on a token or trinket. Even someone picking up the tab is thoughtful. More or less, it’s the effort itself that shows me love.
4. Acts of service Again, this has a lot to do with effort. If you’re willing to put in the effort to help me, it shows you must really care about me. Offering me a ride somewhere, or offering help with a menial, boring task – I love you! You’re a good enough friend that you’ll trudge right alongside me in the barracks or take it off my hands completely.
5. Words of affirmation Two years ago where this would have topped my list. It doesn’t mean much at this very moment in my life. I have so much soul searching to do, and until I find out who I am, words of affirmation won’t mean as much. I may be bitter, too, because I haven’t received any words of affirmation in a long time, so maybe I’ve become accustomed to living without them.
How does Jamie love you?
1. Physical touch If you let me, I’ll be like that annoying puppy that will not go away. I adore you and want you to know it! This is by far the most difficult love language, because not everyone likes to be touched. But you’ll know I’m completely at ease with you by a hand on your arm, my head on your shoulder, or a simple hug.
2. Acts of service I want you to be happy, and if I can help you and relieve some of that stress in your life – man, I am here for you! Whether it be vacuuming, washing your car, picking up your dry cleaning, or cleaning out your fridge.
3. Words of affirmation If I think you’re the best, I’ll tell you. If I think you’re beautiful, I’ll tell you. If I think you’re amazingly intelligent, I’ll tell you. If I think you’re hilarious, I’ll tell you. If I’m proud of you, I’ll tell you. Everyone needs encouragement. We are beat down all day by everything around us. I want to bring sunshine into your life and show you God’s love for you through me.
4. Gifts Every so often I’ll pay attention to what you like. Cookies, books, pens, CDs – and I’ll surprise you. I want you to know that I’m thinking of you. Even if I just see stickers at Target that remind me of you – I want you to know you’re special to me.
5. Quality time This is a tough one. My best friends are people I never see and speak to maybe one to three times a year. I don’t feel a need to overexert myself in this way. I may not be there for you every day, but I’ll be there for you when you need me.
No comments:
Post a Comment