Tonight was The Gathering.
I was a little bit apprehensive walking through the
doors, but my mood lightened as I entered the kitchen.
I recognized a girl.
Then another introduced herself.
Then a guy. Then another girl.
Talking was a little awkward. Customizing to fit into a large group was more
difficult than I anticipated. It’s been
months since I’ve been in a large group.
Despite this, the night flowed smoothly.
I met new people and saw some old friends, and in each of those
conversations I found hope.
Maybe this is what I’ve been needing, God.
I’m nervous, excited, hesitant, and scared.
What if this is what
I’ve been looking for?
Will I know what to do when the search is over?
Commitment? How
does that work?
What if this isn’t what
I’ve been looking for?
What if this is just another mislead hope?
What if I think this is, and I can’t hear God telling me
no?
So many fears playing through my mind. Before Adam and I left my apartment, I asked,
“Are you sure you want to go? We can
just stay here and take a nap.”
A nap? C’mon, Jamie!
Part of me was praying he would agree—save me from having
to be outside of my comfort zone.
If it were up to me I would never leave my comfort zone.
Thankfully, it’s not.
And I had the Holy Spirit pushing me on in a multitude of ways tonight.
I sit here and thank God for the familiar faces. For Deborah, for Lauren, and especially for
Emily. I remember months ago sitting
with them as a crumbled girl in February, reading Conversation Hearts. Seeing them tonight gave me a peace in my
spirit. I also thank God for the new
faces—the people who had the courage to stick out their hands first. August, Jazzy, Steven, Taylor, Alex, Leigh,
Preston, Mercedes and Josephine.
God, I pray that You make this path clear for me. I’ve been searching for a long time, Father,
for a church to call home, for a family to welcome me in. Please give me discernment, and let me walk
away if you place it in my heart that the search must continue. And please, if this is it, if this is home,
please give me the strength to commit.
Let me fulfill your will for me.
Especially if it’s not easy. Let
me be challenged. Let me grow. Let me be out of my comfort zone. Form me to Your will, so I can be a light to
those whom You want me to be a light.
Please, help, God! I need You! And I pray for the people I talked to
tonight. I pray that my older friends
are doing well. I pray that Jazzy has an
amazing trip to China. I pray for Alex
and her brother, Paul. I pray for
Leigh’s search, Preston’s transition into Memphis, and Emily’s service projects
and volunteering. Bless their paths,
Lord.
