Heal my heart and make it clean
Hosanna, Hillsong
His eyes cast a dark shadow over me.
My arms shielded my body, trying to cover myself—trying to cover my sin.
Where there once laid a sweet smile, his lips were now turned down in disgust.
I had admired him from afar for many months. A young, ambitious pastor, I always looked forward to seeing him. He was endearing, delicate grace abounding in his spirit. I always anticipated his visits, because I could see Christ’s unconditional love in him.
But I was wrong. And today was different.
It was our first date, and he had learned my deepest darkest secrets.
I will never forget the look on his face, the tone in his voice—the rejection.
I felt naked, humiliated, and unloved.
If the man I had come to respect as a Christ-centered man could not bear the sight of me, then how possibly could God still love me?
I wilted at the thought and fell deeper into isolation and fear. As he walked away from me, I sobbed, wondering who could ever love a sinner like me.
In my nightmares is where I’m tortured the most.
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