When my last relationship came to a crashing end, one of my coworkers recommended the book, What Becomes of the Brokenhearted. The book struck a simple bond between us, allowing us to casually catch up whenever we see one another.
“The way it’ll work out,” she most recently giggled, “you’ll probably be in love and married in five months.”
We laughed, but as she walked away I wondered at the distant reality of her words. Still single, without any hint of another love interest in sight, I questioned the mere thought of ever being in love again. Yes, over the last few months, God has been working on my heart. He has been fixing my image of men, opening my eyes to traits, mannerisms, and delights I had long forgotten delighted me—sparking just a slight desire to begin anew. But I don’t know if means anything for my romantic future.
At times I wonder to God if I’m ever meant to be married. In the truth of my thoughts, I find myself alone. There is no distant image of a husband with whom I grow old or children that look up into my eyes and tell me, “Mommy, I love you.” Instead, daydreams of a missionary future in a third-world country, or ministering to abused women in the states, possess more perceptiveness. I’m angled toward a predestination of busy positions that require no children—a position where God’s love remains as focused as a magnetized needle, but instead of a family, it’s just me.
“I’m tired of waiting,” my other single coworker whimpered. Her voice was milked in a subtle sadness that many solo-women know all too well. Even with my thoughts of a permanently single life, truly my heart still aches for a relationship. It always will.
I accept what God gives me, knowing that the only thing that matters at this point is how I serve Him with what He has given me. I don’t serve ungratefully.
God, I trust Your will for my life. I know You will never make me go through another December. That place and time in my life is over. I trust You, and Your will for my future, single or not. Thank You for Your healing and guidance. I serve You and You only. I want to seek You and only You.
So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should you say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty’ (Luke 17:10).
I trust in your word (Psalm 119:42).
Faith has nothing to do with feelings, impressions, outward appearances, nor the probability or improbability of an event. If we try to couple these things with faith, we are no longer resting on the Word of God, because faith is not dependent on them (Streams in the Desert, April 15).
