Love is Patient

Aug 28, 10:20 am    On your way?

Aug 28, 10:22 am    Ya. Be there in 15

Aug 28, 10:23 am    What? I’ll just meet you there again

Aug 28, 10:23 am    Overslept

Aug 28, 10:24 am    Ok

Aug 28, 10:24 am    Ok

I was furious.

Late.  Again.

How could he be?

As he sat down beside me in the dark, I felt my temper burning.  I wanted to be mad, but…

…but he offered his hand.

I look over in disbelief as his open hand rested near my thigh, waiting for my hand.  My harsh demeanor crumbled at the loving proposition.

All it took was one simple gesture to ease my anger.  As I refocused myself from being upset to focusing on the sermon, the pastor and his wife began.

“Love is patient and kind,” Chris started.  Great, I thought, smirking.

“Now even this morning, okay, on your way here—and I mean you guys are coming to the late service—there’s a high degree of probably that someone in your house was impatient with someone else.   I mean, it could be a situation where one spouse was already ready and the other spouse wasn’t ready and you’re tempted to become impatient.”

Even in the dim lighting, I could see his eyes.  Our gaze met, and instantly we began laughing at each other.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:1-8).

The Looking Glass

Misery.

Mistake.

Mislead.

Misuse.

Misunderstood.

Misconduct.

Misconception.

Misfortune.

Miscarriage.

It wasn’t the call she was expecting.

The sympathetic nurse attempted to console her, “As soon as you want, you can start trying again.”

She positioned herself against the sink, the granite top acting as her only strength.

As the minutes passed she barely recognized her own reflection.  Her eyes grimaced back at her, the shadows in the mirror reflecting the darkness poisoning her heart.

A desert growing inside her; the void filled with innumerable sorrows.  Grief, guilt, distress, anger, sadness and gratitude undid her thoughts.

She watched her fingers clench and unclench, bracing herself before walking through the door, back into her world.  It would see her as the same person, but she knew nothing would be the same, her soul broken.  Her ankles were weak, but she forced a smile upon her lips.

Through the door, she walked, poised and charismatic as ever.  But though the corners of her mouth were upturned, she couldn’t escape the sadness overwhelming the deep cavity in her heart.

Yes, before the day was I am he; and there is none that can deliver out of my hand: I will work, and who shall let it? (Isaiah 43:13).

Scrapbooked

I’m really only praying the words you’ll soon be saying

Might betray the way you feel about me

But to me, coming from you

Friend is a four letter word

Friend is a Four Letter Word, Cake

In the comfort of my room, I laid my scrapbook on my bed.

Before me was a spread of memories.  The smiles of friends, past loves and former coworkers greeted me.

I ran my fingers over the glossed moments, remembering old feelings of happiness and love.  Relationships have come and gone quickly in the last few years.  Many friendships diminished.  Vanished.  Forgotten.

The word friendship symbolizes a beautiful relationship that can exist between two people, but within the word are three letters that cannot be ignored.

E.  N.  D.  End.

Many of my friendships within the last couple of months even have come to end, their chemistry changing.  Life has taken my counterparts and me down different paths.

I watched Stand By Me over the weekend.  It’s easily the male version of Now and Then.  Four young men banded together by a mission.  After their travels, Gordie Lachance says this about friendships:

As time went on, we saw less and less of Teddy and Vern until eventually they became just two more faces in the halls.  It happens sometimes.  Friends come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant.

It happens sometimes.  It does.

People shuffle in and out of our lives, each leaving their mark on our hearts.  Even the most beautiful friendships are taken by the oceans of time, life, struggles, differences—and some simply cave in on themselves.

My eyes wandered the old pages as I reminisced, missing the familiar moments, but treasuring the time spent together.

It was then I was reminded of a quote from one of Tyler Perry’s plays that touched me very deeply:

If somebody wants to walk out of your life—let them go!  Some people are meant to come into your life for a lifetime, some for only a season and you got to know which is which.  And you’re always messing up when you mix those seasonal people up with lifetime expectations.

I put everyone that comes into my life in the category of a tree.  Some people are like leaves on a tree.  When the wind blows, they’re over there…wind blow that way, they over here…they’re unstable.  When the season change they wither and die, they’re gone.  That’s all right.  Most people are like that, they’re not there to do anything but take from the tree and give shade every now and then.  That’s all they can do.  But don’t get mad at people like that, that’s who they are.  That’s all they were put to this earth to be: a leaf.

Some people are like branch on that tree.  You have to be careful with those branches, too, ‘cause they’ll fool you.  They’ll make you think they’re a good friend and they’re real strong, but the minute you step out there on them, they’ll break and leave you high and dry.

But if you find 2 or 3 people in your life that’s like the roots at the bottom of that tree, you are blessed.  Those are the kind of people that aren’t going nowhere.  They aren’t worried about being seen, nobody has to know that they know you, they don’t have to know what they’re doing for you, but if those roots weren’t there, that tree couldn’t live.

A tree could have a hundred million branches but it only takes a few roots down at the bottom to make sure that tree gets everything it needs.  When you get some roots, hold on to them, but the rest of it—just let it go!  Let folks go.

As Stand By Me closes, an aged Gordie notes, “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve.  Jesus, does anyone?”

Will I ever have friends again?  I’m at a standstill.  I’m praying to God for some roots.  I’d like some deep friendships.  Let the ends that have happened in my life lead to new beginnings, God.  Please bring some friends with whom I can share my life.

Nine

Second Presbyterian.  Life Church.  Independent Presbyterian.  Hope Church.  Fellowship Memphis.  Christ City.  Christ United Methodist.  The Orchard.  Highpoint.

Eight months.  Nine churches.

I have been searching for a church home since December, and have only been adamantly praying since May.  That’s when the restlessness set in, the ache of starvation and impatience.

Nine churches, each with their own styles of worship and preaching.  Overwhelmed and overstimulated, I’ve been floating along, waiting for God to point me in the right direction.  His direction.  Any direction.  I’ve been searching aimlessly, aching for that feeling of home I once felt.

What am I looking for, God?  A friend loaned me a book by Mark Dever, titled Nine Points of a Healthy Church.  The nine guidelines for a well-founded church are:

1. Expositional Preaching

2. Biblical Theology

3. The Gospel

4. A Biblical Understanding of Conversion

5. A Biblical Understanding of Evangelism

6. A Biblical Understanding of Church Membership

7. Biblical Church Discipline

8. Concern for Discipleship and Growth

9. Biblical Church Leadership

These are good, solid guidelines.  They helps give me an idea for what my eyes should be searching.  But, God, where will I find my home?

All it takes is one.  One church to call home.  One church to find family.

I noticed this poster in a McAlister's I ate at recently.  I laughed–having 'one' on my mind.  I stay faithful and trust God to provide.

He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? (Romans 8:32).

Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his ispan of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, jeven Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these (Matthew 6:26-29).

Better Days

I don’t even know what song was being sung, but we rejoiced.

We cheered as the Goo Goo Dolls pushed through the sudden downpour.

My love’s arms stretch out above me, shielding us from the cold rain with a tablecloth.

My heart was light in its fullness.  In that moment, I felt all God had ever meant for me.

We listened to the band’s final song as most of the audience disbanded.

The crowd cheered, and I smiled at him.  We kissed.

It was one of the sweetest moments of my life.  And if Heaven is a million times better, I can only anticipate my arrival in God’s gracious court.

For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life (Romans 5:10).

If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11:13).

Case of the Ex

But you don’t know what you don’t know

Someday I’ll be living in a big old city

And all you’re ever going to be is mean

Someday I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me

And all you’re ever going to be is mean

Mean, Taylor Swift

As he picked up his phone, I instinctively knew who was on the opposite end.  My spirit was tested immediately.  It is in these moments of unfavorable conditions that surely test character.

In The Purpose-Driven Life, Rick Warren writes:

God uses the opposite situation of each fruit to allow us a choice.  You can’t claim to be good if you’ve never been tempted to be bad.  You can’t claim to be faithful if you’ve never had the opportunity to be unfaithful.  Integrity is built by defeating the temptation to be dishonest; humility grows when we refuse to be prideful; and endurance develops every time you reject the temptation to give up.  Every time you defeat a temptation, you become more like Jesus.

Endurance is a long word with a heavy weight.  Grace and patience are also heavy.  Lord, give me the strength to carry the weight.  Let me wear forgiveness and humility on my heart, despite—in spite of—no, for them.  Let me not be self-righteous.

Hebrews 12:14

Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.

Romans 12:18

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Philippians 2:3

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves…

Luke 6:27-31

But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.  If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them.  Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Hebrews 10:36

You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

James 1:12-18

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.  When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.  Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.  He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

Dear God, in my broken heart, let me persevere.  Let me be filled with You, so that I may be a kind of firstfruits to others in his life.  Let me feel hope.

What Becomes of the Broken Hearted

It’s always been about me, myself and I

I thought relationships were nothing but a waste of time

I never wanted to be anybody’s other half

I was happy saying I had love that wouldn’t last

That was the only way I knew till I met you

I Do, Colbie Calliet

I held his hand while the preacher spoke of love and fidelity.

The evening sun lit the beautiful chapel, but it paled compared to his golden eyes.  I breathed in the moment and let myself drift, and as I did, the words of a coworker resounded in my thoughts.

“The way it’ll work out, you’ll probably be in love and married in five months,” she smiled as she left the office that day in February.

I never fathomed the reality of her words until—four months to the day—I found myself in love and dressed in formal wear.

“…forsaking all others,” I squeezed his hand.  “I choose you this day and every day.”

I laid my head on his shoulder, thanking God for the impossible.

I thought no one would ever love me again, and yet, here we were, two silly, young kids in love.

I felt the truth of what love could mean, and I nestled comfortably into him as we watched his two friends tie the knot.